Kay Smith

Kay and Me

In case you have been wondering, Kay was my meaning of life. She was my wife and partner who was taken away from me at 7:50AM on the 4th of August 1999.
I will love you and miss you forever.

We met at Keele University in 1988 where we were both studying German and started seeing each other on December the 9th. We were married on 19th July 1997 in Camborne in Cornwall.

What can I write about you that can get anywhere close to how I truly feel about you. You where absolutely everything to me. You were my life.

You were gentle, kind and caring and at times you had the innocence and sense of fun of a child. I have never known anyone with such generosity of spirit. You were always so optimistic and just enjoyed life. You were also the bravest person I have ever known. I cannot begin to imagine how difficult it must have been for you and all the treatment you went through. You showed strengths that I never thought possible.

Kay was born on the 12th of December 1968.

I received this quote from Kay's mum which perhaps sums up how it is possible to feel about our loss.

        "it was when he was at his most wretched that he felt closest to ~. It was as if he gained a perverse sense of comfort from putting himself through the agony of crying for ~. Only when he was in pain could he feel that his love for ~ was still real, that she was still real. Some of his memories of ~ were already fading, worn out like a treasured photograph with too much handling and he was worried that if he ever came to terms with her death it would not only be a betrayal of her short life, but he would have nothing left of her. So the pain had to go on, it was his only source of comfort."

I sometimes question the person that penned the often quoted words " it is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all." It just makes me feel that they never truly loved.